That Blog

It certainly has been quite some time since I posted something on That Blog and I have been missing my creative outlet…so am back and hopefully will will get to post more frequently.

Life in Gotham City Joburg has been treating me well and so I thought it was time to start telling you about what has been happening and the exciting things to do out and about in Jozi!!

One of the first things I decided that needed addressing after the move to JHB, was the Barren Manscape. I vaguely recalled that the Manscape in Joburg was in a better state than that of Cape Town…and so set out to see if this was still the case.

I gave the matter a bit more thought and decided the options available to me were as follows:

• Intro from friends – Hope springs eternal, but nothing was happening here, so not really an option
• Office romance – Mmm…cast an eye around the office and crossed this off the list pretty quickly
• Find him in a pub - Hasn’t worked thus far and not sure it ever will
• The internet – Had heard some good stories about this, so decided to give it a try…

A few disastrous dates followed but then one day, I met someone quite nice. Met up with him a couple more times…and he has now become The Boyf. So…the Manscape has changed somewhat and so the adventures of Life in JHB begin. Will keep you posted…

So girls, are you secretly hoping that your man finds his way into a shopping mall over the next few days and purchases you something a little racy and gorgeous this Christmas? Perhaps, you are hoping he will spice up your underwear drawer a bit and give you a bit more to choose from other than those unexciting, but ever so practical Woolies bras??

Well, perhaps you want to point him in the direction of this little video clip…I have a sneaky suspicion that once he has seen these gorgeous girls, he will be high-tailing it off to La Senza faster than you can say “Ding, Dong, Merrily on High” and your underwear drawer will be looking fab by Boxing Day!

The ‘Cup Size Choir’ is made up of seven models dressed in just their bra and knickers singing a note from A to G based on their cup size in cheeky ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’.

Those of you that have been reading That Blog for a while now, are familiar with my lamenting over the Barren Manscape in Cape Town. I have decided to test the waters in Jozi and see if the Manscape is any less barren.
I took the bold step of signing up for internet dating…

The responses to my profile thus far have varied considerably (which indicates that there have been responses, so that is a good thing). Whilst there have been a limited number of suitable looking gents (whom I hope to meet up with soon…reports to follow), I can report that there is also a healthy collection of nutters out there! Maybe my standards are just too high??

Married girls, please take this moment to thank your lucky stars for the man in your life…because even when he is driving you completely bonkers, or comes home late from a night out with the blokes, he almost certainly doesn’t describe himself like this…

Pation – could he possibly be referring to passion??? Actually, am really hoping he has misspelt Patrón, my new favourite tequila! If that is the case…he might suddenly come back into the mix and I can overlook his lack of a fancy, little, nerdy car!
Tame nudist – what exactly is that? 

Or perhaps this guy:

Anyone else getting the feeling that he might be a little needy or perhaps desperate? Or maybe he is just casting that net far and wide to see what he finds!

Then, it all looked a lot more promising…there was a guy, that on paper, looked every part the suitable candidate…the picture was acceptable, he could spell correctly and seemed to be looking for similar things to me. We exchanged some banter on-line and arranged to meet for a date. Much excitement!!! If I were in London, I would definitely attribute the heavy snowfall to this event…anyway, date went well, no sign of axe murderer/psychotic tendencies and I was rather excited about it all. Imagine my surprise when I got an sms a day later along the lines of “it’s not you, it’s me”…blah, blah, blah…”I’m just not ready for a relationship right now…” blah, blah, blah.
Mmm…I know, if that is the case, may I suggest you give dating sites a wide berth??!! Oh well…

Anyway, I am going to persevere with this avenue of adventure and shall keep you posted on how it goes!

Please let me know if you have any good tips or suggestions…or single friends !

So girls, we have spoken about the dire state of the Manscape and deliberated over the best techniques to lure the Eligible Single Bloke into our lives…and I think we have found the answer. Take up pole dancing!

She looks like she is having fun and has a hot bod...it must work!!

Honestly, it is fun, it supposed to be an awesome way to tone your bod, lose those winter centimeters and improve your fitness. I have never heard a bloke complain about a fat pole dancer at Mavericks, so it must work…so maybe it is worth a try!! Not to mention what images it will conjure up in the minds of ANY bloke when you casually throw into conversation that you can’t do drinks on Tuesday evening because you have pole dancing lessons !!!! I don’t think the Manscape will be barren for much longer if you can throw that little line around a few times!!

“That is a brilliant idea!!” I hear you say. “Where do I sign up for it??”

Well…Do you remember I told you a while back about Twangoo (The Great Introduction)…those clever people that source AWESOME specials and you can sign up for them and if enough people sign up, the offer kicks in and you all save? Well, guess what? They have a special on Pole Dancing lessons…get a lesson for R50 instead of the usual R100!!

All you need to do is head to their site (Click on the link Twangoo) as soon as possible and sign up. The special is limited…so you need to get there quickly to sign up! Although, if you do miss it, R100 is not a lot of money to add a VERY valuable arrow to your quiver (so to speak )

Have you noticed that at the end of some matches, the teams swap shirts? Well, if you haven’t, it is definitely something worth hanging around for. Perhaps, try not let The Bloke flick over to the other sports channel to see what is happening in the golf/rugby/cricket as the final whistle goes and see what wonderful things transpire on the field.

Anyway, ahead of the Portugal vs Ivory Coast game this afternoon, I thought you might be interested in a little glimpse of what the shirt-swapping exercise could hold for you. Do you remember I showed you those delightful pictures of Cristiano Ronaldo? Well, our favourite Portuguese soccer player is getting his kit off again…this time he is doing it for Armani. The new Armani advertising campaign is about to be launched and guess who their poster boy is?? Yip, Cristiano himself.

A thing of beauty isn’t he??

"I can't believe she has put THOSE clothes out for me to wear"

"You're great! My last girlfriend hated me lying on the couch when I got back from a training session"

Alas, with the nasty cold spell that seems to have gripped the country, I am not sure anyone is going to be too keen to whip their shirt off, but well worth hanging around for after the final whistle…just in case.

Kick off is at 4:00pm today. Enjoy!

[Images courtesy of Armani]

Nothing says “I love Soccer” quite like a R20-million life-size soccer ball encrusted with 900 carats of white and black diamonds set in 18 carat white gold.

If you don’t love Soccer to the tune of R20m, the good news is that there are eight crystal replicas that will be on sale throughout the country for R8000 a piece at Shimansky stores. Proceeds from the sale of these little trinkets will go to charity.

Not really sure what I would say if I was presented with one of those R8000 beauties…other than to quote one of my favourite movies “This is going STAIGHT to the Pool room”. Please note, I am not even bothering to say what I would say if someone presented me 2,2kgs of diamond encrusted soccer ball…but I think you could safely say that if I was presented with 900 carats, you could safely assume that the State of the Man-scape had changed considerably!!!

Picture Source: The Times

Picture the scene…

You have just arrived at what is being tipped as The Party of the Year, you are in your new, very beautiful (very expensive) dress, looking drop dead gorgeous. You cast your eye around the room to check out the competition and suss out the Manscape, when, a waiter carrying a tray of delightful looking canapes stumbles and before you can say “Dry Clean Only”, you are wearing 14 Smoked Salmon blinis as accessories. Worse still is that you know it is far too early in the evening for lights to have been dimmed enough that people might not see AND due to the fact that welcome drinks are still being served, it is highly unlikely that the average guest will have drunk enough champers not to notice…all you want to do is get in your car, head home, run a hot bath and go to bed and notch this one up to experience, but you decided to be responsible and not drive and the Designated Driver has just spotted the man of her dreams and is going nowhere…plus she seems fairly adamant that salmon is the new black.

Been there, done that?? Well, if it puts your mind at rest…it probably has happened to everyone. Even old Queenie! Look at the absolute STINKER she had the other night at King Constantine of Greece’s birthday shindig…and she had the paparazzi to deal with!!

Not ideal...

First, a fellow guest manages to drop most of their dinner down the  front of her lovely aquamarine frock and then as if that isn’t bad enough, the strap of her evening bag breaks.

"Must get Philip to mend this tomorrow"

I suspect that at some time in the evening, she may have thought to herself “We are not amused”

Anyway, by all accounts (and those accounts were in the tabloids…and who are we to question those) she remained the “epitome of elegance” throughout the evening. Well done Liz…you did better that I would have. I am not sure “epitome of elegance” would have been the words that would have been used to describe me if those things had happened on my night out!!

It is a fact universally acknowledged that a single woman (over the age of 28) living in Cape Town is lamenting the barren or dire state of the man-scape (apologies to Jane Austen for the misquote).

However, when I spotted this pic I had to laugh and thank my lucky stars that things aren’t quite so dire that you might feel the need to respond to, perhaps, the worst personal ad EVER written!!! And when I say written, I mean it….because it is actually hand written!!

I particularly like the part about meeting “Tina Turner’s Son in person 7 times”…